How I See It

"Summer: Times of Refreshment"

 

Amazing how an upcoming reunion can pull on that old high school urge of feeling like you are "missing something" I decided not to go, for many reasons, some of them silly, some of them perfectly rational, some of them just make you say what? I think it is the vast culvert between who I was trying to be and who I have become. It is a conflict between how I was perceived and who I really was, that I chose to hide in shame. It is the conflict between others' expectations of me , and  a bit of my own disappointments in myself. No regrets? I keep trying to adopt this, I want to embrace it, but for me it is not truth, and that is okay.  Better to live in truth, than to embrace a great idea that is not a good fit for me...isn't that how we end up regretting?  Don't get me wrong, I have much to be thankful for, I have been blessed beyond measure with deep friendship (a precious few) great children, who have potential to do anything their hearts desire, they have great big huge hearts, and generous souls, and they all live passionately. I have a husband who loves me. 
The regret lies here: I never trusted people enough to be real. There are people who don't know that I love to sing and dance. There are people who don't know I love the act and play characters, most of my high school friends (most of whom I don't keep in touch with) don't know I am an artist. Most don't know me at all. That was my choice to be a chameleon; to change my colors; to blend...to "fit in", and to act like I was supposed to... What is so ironic about this is that I never did "fit."  One day, I realized it. The truth. You never find a "place" when you aren't being honest with yourself. There is never a place for living a lie that will feel comfortable. The problem with this is that truth often alludes us; hides us behind masks of our own making. We craft them so well that we begin to believe them ourselves...then, they don't fit and we make a new one, or add more "stuff" to the one we have, or repaint it, but we are still wearing a mask. This brings me to my point; Isn't it easier to just be real? Go ahead and pull that mask off and buy those Blue Suede Shoes, or that yellow hat or those crazy glasses...Do It! Heck-Buy a stinking rolling pin if that is what you want!! I once bought Purple Suede Boots, which I eventually fractured my hip in...ha ha...But I GOT THEM!  Celebrate YOU...and be sure to comment, I want to know YOU, because YOU are worth knowing!

~Me and my Blue Suede Shoes