I am amazed at how the human mind operates. Especially mine...I wonder at how I can make myself think what I want or need to think at the time, at how I can push out what I need to push out, bring in what I need to bring in, etc...I wonder at how I react instead of responding, the preferred method. I am becoming more and more amazed at the complexity of the human brain. All those psychology terms:
denial, transference, delusions, fantasy, boundaries-the one I hear all the time, self-care, self-abasement, control, etc, etc, etc...
The Blue Suede Shoes are an interesting expression of where I am in this journey to being real. I think now it is time to search out some really crazy ones, obnoxious maybe? For the time being though, I may pull out the red cowboy boots, just 'cuz. Cuz my sista bought 'em for me the last time I went through a "passage" like this. They too, are symbolic...I think today though, I grieve. I grieve over all the delusions I have lived by. I grieve over losing ground by not being real to myself, to God, to you. "You" meaning anyone I know. Yes, it is strange, and hard to mid-life publicly, but if Brittany can shave her head, Tom Cruise can jump on chairs on Today Show, if Mel Gibson can flip out publicly, and so on, why can't the rest of us just go for it? Aw heck, there is no dignity in that is there? Dignity...That is what will keep you OUT of your Blue Suede Shoes, or your Red Cowboy Boots, or your Yellow Galoshes!!
Dignity....dignity....I prefer to be undignified. But is is risky. I prefer to be passionate, but it is often misunderstood. I prefer to just go for it, but I often fall flat on my face...like now. Prostrate. Making sand angels again! In my Boots no less. Undignified. Real. Humble. Real. Grieving even my dignity..but still Real. I think that Real is something God can work with. Delusional, well, it just keeps us in our own prison. I prefer Blue Suede Shoes, or Red Cowboy Boots, or Yellow Galoshes in the sun to prison...how about you?
1 comment:
Yay for red cowboy boots! Dignified is so silly. I say go for what you want to do. I told my daughter earlier this week that she was being pseudo mature. That meant she was acting like what she thought was mature while those of us one and to generations older were acting the opposite. It was funny watching her try to be mature and dignified while we were silly and laughing. What was the point of that anyway? She wasn't smiling and we were. I postulate that enjoying life and not worrying about looking the way we think others expect us to be (And aren't we often wrong about that anyway?) is the "new" mature and dignified. I say sand angels in red cowboy boots just might be the way to go. Have some fun!
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